Violence in the Families, What Every Christian Needs to Know

I was recently asked by a friend of mine if I would participate in being a scripture advisor on a website of a local organization advocating the rights of women who are victims of abuse. I was quite honored by this request, and accepted the responsibility. She recommended a book by Reverend Al Miles tilted “Violence in Families; What Every Christian Needs to Know”. It is a fascinating book. I have several thoughts on this book and hope to express them as clearly as possible, without putting my foot in my mouth.

First, I had to realize that I had a very unhealthy outlook on the victimization of people who are subjugated to abuse, particularly female from male, teen or adult. I too had the harmful and unhealthy thinking that, yes while nobody deserves to be abused, still, somebody who subjects themselves to it, by maintaining a relationship with the abuser reaps what they sow. This is a traumatically sinful view point, and I have come to realize that I need to repent. The point that Miles makes is that many of these women who are being abused by their spouses are seeking consolation from their spiritual leaders at church, who advocate the sanctity of the marriage bond, over the need to dissolve the environment of abuse, if it pertains to divorce. Having a desire to please God, they take the wrong understanding of scripture as gospel, and stay in these marriages. These women who love Christ are undergoing torture just so they can go to heaven, as it were. Miles also points out that many times, these clergy will attribute the fault of this abuse to the victim herself, as in “What are you doing to bring this on?” After reading this book, I have come to the conclusion that this is a disgrace to God and his people.

One thing that I do find disquieting about Miles’ book is his liberal and generous entitlement to anybody claiming to be a Christian, as to really being a Christian. He even goes as far to say that there are some men that are good Christians, except for the fact that they verbally, sexually, and physically abuse their wives. And that these men simply need help in overcoming this issue. This is a horrifying conclusion. I know for a fact, as is written in scripture that if anybody is doing anything in that manner, is far from being a vessel of the Holy Spirit. You simply would not be able to do such things and continue to have the Spirit of God continue to be in you. If you are a coward that has a need to abuse the women in your life, and manipulate the fellowship with deceit and false witness as to seem to be a “good” Christian, then you are NOT a Christian. I think that Miles has some fundamental misunderstandings as to what the scriptures teach concerning Christianity. Either that or perhaps the Authority of scripture is not as reaching in Reverend Miles’ spirit or contrition in relationship to Christ. Over and over again he refers to these men, who claim to be Christians, and are abusers, to actually be Christians. Sadly, this understanding continues through out the examples of the book, even to the point of the victims testimonials refer to their own husbands as Christians. I don’t blame Miles for this misunderstanding as much as I blame modern Christendom’s general acceptance that one only has to claim faith to have faith. This is a traditional view point, and most unbiblical.

The book makes it clear that there is no clear cut answer to these dilemma’s of abuse and what should take place. He points out that many times, scripture is the reason that many men justify the abuse, and thus the woman feels trapped. He also makes it clear that confronting the abuser often makes it worse for the victims later.

As scripture advisor for this new project, and after reading this book, some things concerning the scripture have come to light, and I am ready to bring my conclusions to bear. This will require writing up a few “Bible studies” that will be useable for the victims of these situations to bring to their husbands or non compassionate or understanding clergy. I will also be publishing these studies here on this blog.

I have come to the conclusion that this whole matter, of being a victim’s rights advocate is the benevolent focus of my time and financial donation, at least of the next half decade, or further. Abuse is the most inhumane undertaking a person can perpetrate. Having somebody who you love and are suppose to trust, be your biggest source of pain and cruelty is one of our greatest tragedies as a species.

On a side note: I find it completely presumptuous and arrogant to refer to yourself as a “Reverend”. Taking on the title of one who should be revered is elevating yourself above those around you to a higher “spiritual” status. Generally I find this to be an undeserving title. Also keep in mind that the Apostles and Angels are unwilling to accept the praise of man, so why should these so called “Reverends”? Just a thought…