This week...

It is Monday morning and I am facing a week of relatively unknown events. I know what it is that I want to do, but I face what I want to do right now—I am overwhelmingly in love with God, so my options, due to that irreversible force of both devine and fleshly will and desire, is simply to spend time with God. I do this several ways. The first is to read the bible. But that is a dilemma for me. You see, what God has to say is in many ways demanding. His will for our lives is to obey Him, love Him, and never forsake Him. There are times when I fear what He will ask of me. I know the price—and sometimes I think that I am far too in love with my life, than to give it over. This is a basic struggle of wills and won’t. The price of freedom has always come at a high cost. I think of all the lives that have been lost for political and religious freedoms, and it is a death toll immeasurable. But my fight today is the fight of spiritual freedom. I want to be lethargic, to give in to my flesh, and cheat God out of the opportunities that could be provided today through me. Today, not only can I have a morning devotional, I can also invite someone to church, share my faith with anybody, influence my daughter for the better, and more so, be ready to surrender my life to the point of death. The goal is to resist sin, even if it means costing my life to do so, hence Christ Jesus. Someday’s, like today, I’m just not feelin’ it. BUT, then I remember that late night in November, it was one in the morning, and I confessed, not only that Jesus is the Son of God, and died on the cross for me, and moreover, I confessed that Jesus is the Lord of my life. That late night/early morning, I pledged myself to God, and the ultimate ruler of my life. I pledged myself to surrender my will to Christ, and not just because it was the right thing to do; not just because I wanted my sins forgiven (an overwhelming sensation at the time), but because I fell in love with God through out the previous three or four months, and I fell hard. I had just sacrificed every friend I had, and was literally starting my life all over again. I committed to making the Christians my friends, and my discipler my mentor. I was ready to learn, grow, and make God proud. I was fired up! I was eager and prayerful! I was happy—happy to love unconditionally and not be hurt. I was healing. I had fallen in love with two different women, both amazing, both rejecting me. My best bud and I were heading in two different directions, and frankly, had spent so much time together, we couldn’t stand each other. Then there I was, standing in a lighted pool, of which I had to jump the gate just to get in. The man who had befriended me, and taken me through the bible passages need in order to learn what God wanted from me, and he, a foot shorter than me, after my confession, baptized me. After which, all the brothers went to bed—“congratulations brother, I’m going to bed now”—although discouraging at the time, within two weeks later I understood why they wanted to go to bed and not go to Denny’s and get coffee and celebrate, which I did on my own. The life of a college student, and Christian, is chaotic and exhausting. But, I loved every minute of it. Not college, but being a Christian on the campus of ASU. Although I was completely blinded to the truth, that time of my life was desperately needed in order to gain the discipline that I was so desperately needed. Now, almost twenty years later, I am a college student again (summer break), and still a Christian, living more to the truth than ever before. And that takes me back to this morning. It is that discipline that I need now in order to get off my duff at this computer, and go have my quiet time with God.